Suzanne Marlatt Stewart
Recently, Elizabeth Francis celebrated her 115th birthday. She is the second oldest person alive today. When asked what she attributes to her long and happy life, she replied, “Speak your mind and don’t hold your tongue!”
Have you ever felt that your opinions do not matter or that we live in a society that doesn’t value our older generation? I came across this great article by Lachlan Brown. He has a graduate degree in psychology and helps others live a mindful and better life. Consider the following:
Constantly saying yes. There’s an old saying that ‘No is a complete sentence.’ As we age, it becomes vital to understand the power of saying ‘no.’ Trying to make others happy is a guaranteed way to lose respect. It sends the message that your time and needs are not valued.
Seeking external validation. In Buddhism, we are taught the concept of ‘Self-Reliance.’ This means finding happiness and peace within us, rather than seeking it in the approval of others. The constant need for approval or external validation often leads us to compromise our values.
Over-apologizing. Over-apologizing is a common people-pleasing habit that we often fall into without realizing it. Over-apologizing can create a perception that we’re in a constant state of error, which is simply not true. Instead of saying “I’m sorry for being late,” say “Thank you for your patience.”
Suppressing your true self. When we hide who we truly are, we send the message that we’re not comfortable or confident in ourselves. If we don’t respect ourselves, how can we expect others to respect us? So, if you want to be respected, it’s time to stop suppressing your true self to please others.
Always being agreeable. Constantly agreeing with others, even when you don’t truly agree, can decrease respect. People respect those who have their own opinions and aren’t afraid to voice them. So, if a topic comes up and you don’t agree, don’t be afraid to voice your truth.
Avoiding conflict at all costs. We often let things slide or hold back our feelings to avoid potential conflict. But this can lead to resentment and can give others the impression that they can walk all over us. Conflict is a part of life. It’s about expressing your feelings and standing up for yourself when necessary.
Always putting others first. It’s commendable to care for others, constantly prioritizing others’ needs over our own can lead to a loss of self-respect. It can be a red flag that we’re willing to neglect our own needs and desires, which aren’t healthy.
It’s important to be respected as we grow older. It’s about being authentic, setting boundaries, and knowing when to put your own needs first.
Rev. Suzanne, a resident of SaddleBrooke, is an independent writer and speaker. She was ordained nondenominational, representing all faiths, and her focus is inclusivity. Email her at [email protected].