In Alcoholics Anonymous, “we share in a general way, what it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now.”
I am a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and resident of SBR. My sobriety date is July 9, 1991.
Both of my parents were active alcoholics. My father passed away at an early age from the disease of alcoholism. My mother was a near genius, graduating from Cal with a double major in engineering and biology in the late 1930s. My mother died early from the complications of asthma and hardly drank after a severe bout of cancer when I was 13. My father was a Pearl Harbor survivor experiencing the horror of war firsthand. He never spoke of the war, suffered from post-traumatic stress, was a judge, a well known businessman, active in service organizations, but in the end lost most of his friends as a result of his drinking. He died alone in a semi-conscious state because his brain had been destroyed by alcohol.
It was chaotic growing up as an only child in an alcoholic family where there was little affection and love was rarely shown. After becoming sober, I realized I was in “survivor mode” most of my young childhood. I found ways to stay away from home and the drinking, and suffered physical and mental punishment for disobeying. I just thought that was a normal life. I had no tools to know any differently.
Alcohol became a problem in the Army when the disease of alcoholism awoke in me. I passed out on a beach. My fellow soldiers drunkenly deserted me and I had just enough money to get the last bus back to base.
Following military service, college offered a perfect environment for my disease to escalate and ended short of a degree. I was fortunate to enter professional sports as dreamed of as a kid. My drinking accelerated. My first marriage was a constant up and down with verbal and physical violence depending how bad my drinking bouts were. I’d become a horrible husband and father. Daily drinking to excess had a terrible downside on my abilities as a player and businessman. My childhood dream collapsed. I left in shame.
Twenty more years of drinking in the family business. A pocket full of credit cards, and an important function was entertaining clients. A great place for an alcoholic of my type. Putting drunk clients on the road and closing one eye so there was only one set of white lines while I drove home were some of the scary moments. Driving from Napa to Concord, California, along the levees of the Sacramento River with my wife and two children after a party and not having a clue in the morning how I got home was terrifying. We could have ended up in the river dead. But it wasn’t enough to get me to stop. I could share volumes of near-death stories, but there’s not room here. My marriage failed mainly due to my drinking. I think I ran away instead of facing and taking care of my drinking problem.
I never lost jobs, no DUIs, or wrecked a car. Never jailed nor hospitalized as a result of my alcoholism. But I was miserable and I made life for those around me miserable as well. I had “lost the ability to control my drinking.” The morning of July 9, 1991, I awoke as usual having passed out the night before and blurted out, “God, I can’t do this anymore!” To this day, I have no idea where that came from, especially from someone with no religious training and no adverse feelings toward religion. I had become sick and tired of being sick and tired. The next day I called an associate who had been sober for 18 years. He arranged for me to enter a 6-week outpatient program and I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was told if I read the book, attended meetings, and was willing to do a few simple, but perhaps hard things and help others, I could stay sober and have a life beyond what I thought was possible. I have not found it necessary to drink since that day in July.
Thirty-three years later, I have found a higher power that helps keep me stay sober one day at a time. I still attend meetings regularly, because I want to, and help others. I have no doubt in my mind I would not be alive and experiencing a wonderful life with a loving wife of almost 20 years if I had not decided to become “willing” to do whatever it took to get and stay sober. I am at peace and have a wonderful relationship with my children who suffered when I was drinking. I am truly blessed for a program that started in the mid 1930s and remains the same today some 80 years later. Today, I enjoy life one day at a time, try to be kind and gentle, be of service, have hope and faith and see in living color an amazing life.
Thank you to the Roundup staff for allowing me to share my experience, strength, and hope. If you think you have a problem with alcohol, there is a weekly meeting of AA in the La Vista Room in the Hacienda building, Thursdays at 3 p.m. Everyone is welcome and who is seen and what is said in the room, stays in the room. Your privacy is paramount to us. Learn more about AA at aa.org or aatucson.org. Have a wonderful day!