Left to right: winners Wayne Adams, Chris Blackburn, and Di Voss (photo by Larry Ingram)
Unit 16B vs. the Easter Dummy!
Pete Watson
Well, just when you thought it was safe to bring the grandkids for a visit, Unit 16B decided to hold a little Easter celebration to make you reconsider. Our very own Darwin Award Nominees, also known as the Activity Committee, spent a few sleepless nights (and days) coming up with some new ways to abuse the Easter Dummy.
And the best example of that is the “Peep.” You remember those disgusting, pastel colored foam concoctions, covered in sticky colored sugar that are completely indigestible? Well, now they come in a ghastly array of flavors like Dr. Pepper, Liver ’N Onions, and WD-40. Perfect! Stupid Ideas make for Great Stories, so on with the show!
We had many unwitting members of our unit compete in three grueling contests that required absolutely no skill of any kind.
First, we had the “Peep Fling” where folks had to “fling” a Peep for distance using the cheapest plastic spoons we could find. That quickly went off the rails and turned into what seemed like a gang-fight between the Crips and the Bloods. With survivors staggering around with Peeps stuck in their hair or squished on their faces, they took a break to partake in contest #2.
Reminiscent of the old TV Show, “Beat the Clock,” friends took up the one-minute challenge of moving jelly beans from one plate to another using chopsticks. Coating the jelly beans in olive oil did prevent them from being eaten, but it also added a layer of difficulty to the game. Eventually, frustration and accusations of cheating resulted in several chopstick stabbings and a few minor eye injuries, but what did you expect?
Contest #3? Nobody cared, or played, so we just continued to enjoy each other’s company and hide foil–covered chocolate eggs in our neighbors’ back pockets. Since the eggs have such a low melting temperature, it didn’t take long for most of us to look like we were wearing sansabelt Pampers. With mounting costs for room repairs and dry cleaning, we decided to call it a night and go hippity hopping down the Dummy Trail.
Can’t make this stuff up … it’s what we do in 16B.