Dr. Rose Bricker
Holiday stress can damage relationships. Frustration and irritation can erode them. There are things you can do to help heal the relationship and continue to build a strong bond with others. It doesn’t matter if the damage is with a family member, spouse, or friend. The principles are the same. Try these suggestions to improve the connection.
* Be grateful: Make a list of the qualities that you like about them. There are reasons you became good friends or partners with them, so list the reasons! This provides motivation to address the challenges.
* Take responsibility for your behaviors and make amends. We all say inappropriate things in the heat of the moment, “I’m sorry” goes a long way in repairing the situation. It can start the healing process.
* Use “I” statements when communicating our feelings and concerns. “You” statements will cause others to defend themselves. “I” statements simply explain your feelings.
* Don’t generalize. Avoid words like “never” or “always.” Those words only heighten tensions. Don’t label the other person. It backfires every time. They get defensive and the relationship suffers.
* Accept repair attempts. Be open to others taking responsibility for their behaviors. Acknowledge their efforts and express appreciation. This is a way to gradually build the trust back.
* Avoid shutting down. When one person becomes silent and stops responding to the other, that’s when frustration and anger can result. This is a good time to take a “time out” and do some “self-care” techniques.
* Don’t use sarcasm. No one responds well to sarcasm.
* Don’t mind read. Ask! Don’t tell someone what they “should” know or how to feel. It’s disrespectful.
Building and repairing relationships takes time and effort. It can be very helpful to increase your knowledge about appropriate boundaries, body language, and tone/volume of your voice. By learning and using assertive communication skills you can repair and improve the quality of your relationships.
If you would like more information on how to create healthier relationships, please call me for a 30-minute complimentary meet and greet appointment at 520-820-4079. I’m located at 7410 N. La Cholla Blvd. in the La Cholla Corporate Center. The office is nestled between Oro Valley and Casa Adobes.