How to Deal with Toxic People
Dr. Rose Bricker
Toxic people can be cold, dismissive, rude, defensive, entitled, arrogant, sarcastic, bitter, extremely opinionated, and condescending. You know who they are and they can be everywhere. Sometimes, we question ourselves after an interaction with them. Did I misunderstand them? Did I miscommunicate my message to them? Maybe I’m at fault. The truth is some people are just challenging (toxic) to communicate with. It’s important to have a plan before you find yourself in a conversation that turns out to be destructive. Of course, the challenge is that this can be your family members, neighbors, or random people in the community. Here are some ways to prepare yourself.
Don’t Fight Every Battle
Sometimes people set us up for conflict. They love to see our reaction. Be aware of “the trap.” This happens when they repeatedly misunderstand you. Then they blame you for not explaining yourself well enough and that puts you on the defensive and we become angry (this is their goal). At this point, you need to ask yourself if it’s worth it to continue with the conversation. When our emotions are triggered, we step right into the trap. This situation does not end well. The next step is to back away.
Distance is Helpful
Create distance before the situation or conversation gets out of hand. When you tolerate toxic behaviors, people learn that they can treat you badly and you won’t confront them. And of course, they continue with the toxic behaviors. It’s important to set boundaries early on in the conversation (and the relationship). It’s very difficult to put boundaries up later. Creating distance is actually a “self care” technique. When you make the decision to step away from toxic people you are placing a priority on your well being and mental health. That’s always a good thing!
If you would like more information on how to intervene on toxic people, loneliness, depression, anxiety, develop healthy relationships, and navigate life transitions, please call me for a 30-minute complimentary meet and greet appointment at 520-820-4079.
Is Your Body Ready for the Holidays?
Heidi Overman, LMT, Integrative Health & Wellness Coach
It’s November and the holidays are almost here. A little preparation can help you enjoy the season.
For many of us, that means our normal routines are about to change. There may be decorating, cooking, shopping, traveling, houseguests, community events, and time with children and grandchildren.
It’s a wonderful time of year, but our bodies may suddenly be asked to do things they haven’t done in a while.
Reaching overhead to decorate. Lifting boxes. Standing longer in the kitchen. Sitting for hours in a car or airplane. Walking through airports or shopping centers. Getting down on the floor with grandchildren or picking up a little one who isn’t quite as little as you remember!
Is your body ready for the holidays?
Don’t Wait Until Something Hurts
We often think about caring for our bodies after something begins to hurt. But November is a great time to think about preparation instead.
If your shoulders are already tight, your back has been stiff or your hips aren’t moving as comfortably as you’d like, pay attention now.
A little preparation can make a big difference.
Start walking a little more if you know you’ll be traveling. Practice balance and getting up and down safely if you’ll be playing with grandchildren. Break decorating into shorter sessions instead of doing everything in one day. Sit periodically while preparing meals and change positions frequently.
And consider adding massage to your holiday preparation.
What Kind of Massage Do You Need?
One of the biggest misconceptions about massage is that it needs to be deep—or even uncomfortable—to be beneficial. It doesn’t.
Sometimes therapeutic massage is exactly what your body needs. Focused work can address areas of tension, restriction or discomfort and help you move more comfortably.
But sometimes your body needs something completely different.
The holidays can bring emotional stress along with physical activity. Schedules get busier, routines change and our minds seem to constantly be thinking about the next thing that needs to be done.
In those moments, a gentle restorative or relaxation massage may be just as valuable. You don’t have to be in pain to receive a massage. Sometimes an hour of quiet, nurturing touch and an opportunity to simply stop can be exactly what your body needs.
Listen When Your Body Whispers
Our bodies usually communicate with us long before they demand our attention.
A stiff back in the morning. Tight shoulders. Feeling less steady than usual. Difficulty turning your head. Getting tired more quickly during activities. Instead of ignoring those little messages, get curious about them.
Maybe you need therapeutic bodywork. Maybe you need more movement or stretching. Maybe you need rest. Or perhaps you simply need a relaxing massage and an hour where nobody needs anything from you.
We spend a tremendous amount of time preparing everything else for the holidays—the meals, decorations, gifts, guest rooms, and travel plans. This year, put your body on the preparation list, too.
After all, the goal isn’t simply to get through the holidays. It’s to feel well enough to enjoy them.
Heidi Overman is a Licensed Massage Therapist, Integrative Health & Wellness Coach, and owner of Empty Cup Wellness in Oro Valley.