Speedo-Palooza-Thong
Pete Watson
It’s the Dog Days of Summer, when the monsoons are a no-show, so it’s time to break out your Speedos and Thongs and throw a Pool Party! The Buffoon Patrol, also known as the Activity Committee, plied several residents of Unit 16B with copious amounts of Jägermeister until one of them unwittingly agreed to sacrifice his home for the Unit Splash Down! Luckily, Will Wells actually had a pool with water in it and had completely forgotten the massive amount of damage that occurred the last time we tried this. My guess is he’ll never do that again! Thanks to a news blast on social media and flyers passed out at the Golden Goose and Bashas’, all of Unit 16B and their friends, in-laws, and outlaws showed up. And, because we had Old Milwaukee beer, the Swedish Bikini Team noticed the party and parachuted down to join the fun!
Thank goodness we had some big, nasty bouncers who manned the velvet rope and freely used their tasers to keep the paparazzi, Tik-Tok influencers, and other riff-raff out. The partygoers all feasted on burgers, brats, and loads of potluck salads and desserts! Yum-Me! With Pitbull blasting out the tunes, the dancin’ started, and we all got jiggy wit it! Unfortunately, the morons in the VIP seating area forgot to wait the 30 minutes after eating to go swimming! Just like Mamma warned us—“BIG MISTAKE!” First, they started doing cannonballs and can openers off the roof and were quickly emptying the pool. But then the stomach aches and cramps set in, and the backyard soon started to look like the aftermath of a quiet riot at Burning Man! Dozens of swimmers were writhing around on the pool deck, knocking over the Port-O-Lets (Yuck … cleanup in the deep end!), overwhelming the pool staff, and looking like a technicolor Zumba class! The paramedics were summoned and loads of citations and warnings were issued for indecent exposure and stupidity. Man, what an event! Another super fun, exciting, and completely out of control event held by Unit 16B.
That’s why we LOVE this place!