Ways to Interact With a Narcissist
Dr. Rose Bricker, Blue Lemon Therapy
A few months ago, I wrote an article about how to identify narcissist traits and behaviors. This month, I would like to provide some tips on how to manage the interactions you may have with a narcissist. If you are in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits and behaviors, the relationship can leave you confused, anxious, and extremely exhausted. A person doesn’t have to have a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder for the behaviors and traits to be toxic in a relationship.
Narcissism is defined as someone who has an exaggerated sense of self importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, has troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. The narcissist often engages in exploitative and manipulative behavior, has a sensitivity to criticism, believes they are entitled to special treatment, and is often arrogant. In any relationship, these behaviors are challenging, toxic, and destructive.
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, an authority on narcissistic behaviors, there are some rules that are helpful for interactions with a narcissist.
Rules for Interacting With a Narcissist
Don’t react. It’s important to know that the narcissist is looking for your reaction. They will use your reaction as fuel to confuse you, control you, and or manipulate you. This allows them to feel in charge. It’s all about them being in control of you and the situation. They seek that power.
Don’t engage. This is called “gray rocking.” Make your responses short and don’t engage with the narcissist. Again, this allows you to realize you have control over and can reduce the continued verbal abuse.
Avoid calling them out. Remember, they are likely to lie, gaslight, and try to manipulate the truth. Even when you present the evidence, don’t expect the narcissist to own their behavior. The knowledge that you have proof will help you accept the reality of the relationship. Your trust in them will be eroded with this behavior.
Don’t personalize. Remember that the narcissist is often treating others the same way. You can take a step back and realize their behaviors are a reflection on them, not you. If they are being the “communal (nice guy)” narcissist with others, you can still choose to step back. Don’t take it personally. Again, their behaviors are not about you, it’s about them.
What Not to Say
Don’t call them a narcissist. It won’t help! It will come back on you. The power is you knowing more about the narcissistic behavior and learning how to be prepared for the tactics they will use. Don’t tell them they are “gaslighting” you. Again, it won’t help. Knowing about gaslighting helps you choose to engage or not when it happens. Don’t tell them “You’ll never change.” This again is a set up for more of their destructive behaviors. Don’t tell them “I will never forgive you.” The narcissist will turn this around on you and blame and shame you; making you the bad guy for not forgiving.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist romantically, or have a family member or co-worker who displays these characteristics, you can learn more ways to manage these interactions. For more information, please call me, Dr. Rose Bricker, to schedule a 30-minute complimentary meet and greet appointment at 520-820-4079.
Deep Tissue Massage: What You Need to Know
Heidi Overman, LMT #MT-24997
In my massage practice, the most common request I hear is: “I want a deep tissue massage.” When I ask “Why?” the answers usually sound familiar:
“It feels good.”
“I believe in ‘no pain, no gain.’”
Others tell me about not-so-great experiences:
“I was bruised afterward.”
“It hurt so much I couldn’t relax.”
“My therapist wouldn’t lighten up.”
If you’re over 60 and staying active, understanding how deep tissue massage works—and when it’s helpful or harmful—can make all the difference for your muscle health and mobility.
What It Really Is
Deep tissue massage targets the deeper layers of muscle and connective tissue. Many therapists use elbows, forearms, and heavy pressure over broad areas like the back or thighs, hoping to release tension.
But deep pressure isn’t the same as effective therapy. In fact, more isn’t always better—especially as we age, when muscle recovery takes longer and tissues are more delicate.
The Benefits—In the Right Hands
When done well, deep tissue massage can:
* Relieve muscle tension from overuse or poor posture.
* Improve blood flow and circulation.
* Help break up adhesions that limit movement.
* Support recovery from sports or activity.
But these same benefits can often be achieved with a therapeutic massage—targeted, intentional work that uses just the right depth for your body’s needs.
Common Myths
“If it’s not deep, it’s not working.”
Light or moderate pressure can still produce big results, especially if it’s precise.
“No pain, no gain.”
Discomfort during a massage can be okay—sharp or lingering pain is not.
“Deeper is always better.”
Overly aggressive work can damage tissue, leaving you worse off.
Deep Tissue vs. Therapeutic Massage
Deep tissue often means broad, heavy pressure to reach general muscle groups.
Therapeutic massage pinpoints problem areas, working with the muscle’s natural resistance and using only as much depth as needed. It’s often more effective and less damaging, especially for aging muscles.
When to Be Cautious
Deep tissue massage isn’t ideal if you have:
* Blood clotting issues or take blood thinners
* Recent injuries or surgeries
* Osteoporosis or fragile bones
* Active inflammation (e.g., arthritis flare)
Risks include bruising, inflammation, muscle guarding, and even long-term tissue damage from repeated aggressive work.
Smart Massage Choices
* Communicate. Tell your therapist about health conditions and comfort levels.
* Listen to your body. Good work feels productive, not punishing.
* Match the massage to your goal. Relaxation, pain relief, or recovery may all require different approaches.
* Think long-term. Gentle, targeted work over time usually beats one intense session.
The Bottom Line
Deep tissue massage can be part of a healthy routine—but it’s not the only or best choice for everyone, especially active adults over 60. A skilled therapist can help you feel the work, improve your mobility, and protect your muscles for years to come.
If you are interested in a therapeutic massage, wellness education, facials, or acupuncture, please call me at Empty Cup Wellness for an appointment: 520-639-6987. Learn more at emptycupwellness.com. Empty Cup Wellness is located at 10132 N. Oracle Rd., Ste. 160, in Oro Valley, in the business park just behind the Fairfield Inn.